you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
