You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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