she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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