I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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