New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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