how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
