how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
