Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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