Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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