What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
