How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
