I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
