Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
