My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
