he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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