who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
