You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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