I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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