Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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