No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your penis caused this!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
