Don't you send me to vm
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
