Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
