dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
