Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
