Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
