I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
