I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
