I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
