Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
