this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
