I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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