i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
