I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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