The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I need to stop coming to work sober
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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