So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
