Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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