i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
