I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
