Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
