he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
