im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
