Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had sex on a roof
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
