it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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