i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
