She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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