I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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