so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
