You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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