porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
