You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
