Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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