I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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