i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
